My girlfriend is incapable of following me to where I would like to go. This is no reflection on her – she is just afraid of all the seemingly endless implications of rubber. Maybe she is right. Also, it is impossible for her to take the active role. I have to face the fact that she will occasionally wear rubber just to please me. I hear you saying that I am a lucky fellow and that I should be pleased and grateful to have such a girlfriend. I know that I should be, apart from the fact that I really love her, but still it is difficult for me to reconcile myself to the fact that no further development in our rubber activities is possible.

I myself, on the other hand, am constantly searching the realm of rubber for new experiences. Of course, all this doesn’t make our relationship easier. She also suffers because she knows there is something that will always take me away from her. This is like an artistic act of balance. Sometimes my feelings for her are stronger and I try to be as close to her as possible. However, I just have to receive a new copy of Atomage and my mind blows with desire.

The same problem is obvious in Atomage itself. Helen, for example, takes the part of the reasonable woman who is open-minded towards sex. She advises women to discard their inhibitions and to enjoy sex; she encourages wearing rubber and leather fashions in public, but, at the same time, she quite clearly defines certain limits. Helen tells us men how far an extremely open-minded woman should be prepared to share a man’s sexual fantasies while the rest of the magazine stirs up exactly those fantasies by publishing tremendously exciting photographs, drawings and stories. We are asked to show the understanding and exercise restraint even though editorial and pictures offer stimulation and fill the imagination with new ideas, new areas for adventure and exploration. It is very difficult!

Rubber is a fantastic world which I could not obliterate from my life for it gives me so much satisfaction and pleasure. My latest acquisitions are a mask and enema pants from Bryan Reed. The mask has a surgical mask fitted inside which covers my mouth and my nose. The outer mask is fitted with acetate lenses and a back zip. It comes with a breathing tube to which a breathing bag is attached. The tube is equipped with a regulation valve.

The pants are a double layer. The inner pants are fitted with a tube which has an inflatable bulb. In front there is a sheath for penis and testicles. The outer pants are fitted with zips in front and at the back. At the back the part of the tube that is protruding from the bottom can be closed in. The sheath in front is also zipped in a rubber pouch.

Contrary to your affirmations, I believe that rubber is not always a harmless pleasure. When I look back at my fifteen years of experience with rubber I can see a clear development. When I was 18 I used to follow a woman clad in one of those shiny vinyl coats that were so fashionable at that time but now I need more to excite me. I knew absolutely nothing of bondage and S.M. when I was 20, but now these are part of my rubber fantasies. Sometimes I just wander around in the streets of my home town to watch all the ladies clad in leather or vinyl and, believe me, there are a great many of them.

I have coined the phrase ‘chasing the phantom’ because it is a phantom isn’t it? I dream about a woman who shares my rubber fantasies, but, at the same time, I am afraid of meeting her. To where would all this lead? We would probably eat each other up as in the Japanese film which was shown recently. In some respects our interest has all the characteristics of an addiction.