Following my article ‘Memories of a Rubber Lover’ in Atomage 14, I have been asked by readers to describe the way I dress and to enlarge on my statement ‘I believe that in the wonderful feelings I experience when I am clad in rubber the initial feelings (the ‘normal’ negative associations) are – unconsciously – still present’. To me this already includes a certain element of masochism. I enjoy being dressed in an ‘ugly’ material which is normally used for dirty work or by people who wet their bed. My every-day personality is swept away by those feelings.
Normally I am regarded as being rather self assured, but completely encased in rubber with a mask on I feel helpless and debased – a feeling which I enjoy. As I feel weaker and more vulnerable at those moments I the material, preferably several layers of it.
I agree with readers like G.N. that, under these circumstances, a mask is an absolute must. It makes me feel even more protected and it helps me to concentrate completely on my feelings, separating me from the outside world. Only now I have completely changed into me as a rubber lover. Furthermore, I get an additional excitement when the mask restricts my breathing. It is like a power from outside exerted upon me and I feel even more ‘slavish’: Isn’t that masochism?
To illustrate this I’d like to tell you about an experience I had a few days ago.
There was a real snow-storm and I was keen to take a walk dressed in rubber. First I put on my hooded suit with the space in the crotch. Over this I put heavy loose fitting rubber pants which fit tightly over the thighs and waist. Then I put on a warm pullover for it was rather cold outside. Of course, the wool didn’t brush my body as I wore the tight fitting suit underneath. Over this came a heavy loose suit with hood and feet. Then I attached my black thigh high waders, pulled the hood over my head and put on a pair of gloves. Over this came a mask and finally a long, heavy cape, the hood of which I fastened over my head. Then I drove to the lake in my car, parked, and finally went out into the storm. I was not the only person around at that time but there was hardly anyone looking. It was wonderful listening to the great rustling sound of the several layers of rubber of my outfit, and still, from the outside, it looked quite harmless – a cape and boots. I felt wonderfully protected and warm in the snow-storm. I concentrated on the feeling of the rubber against my skin and as I soon started sweating I felt as if I was in a rubber prison. I was walking very slowly to feel every crackling of the rubber. Sometimes I stopped under a lamp and watched the glistening of the melted snow on my mac and my boots.
After a long walk in silent ecstasy I went home. There I took off my cape, mac and waders. Then I fetched my wading suit and two masks from the cupboard. My ‘wading suit’ is a loose fitting one piece suit made of extra heavy latex, with boots and heavy gloves attached. It is rather difficult to get into it because it has only two short zips on the shoulders. With the heavy gloves on it is difficult to close the zips especially as the rubber of the suit underneath tends to get stuck in the zip. But once in it I feel great – a real rubber man. Because of the thickness of the gloves which render you rather clumsy I put on the masks first. I put the first mask over the hood of the inner suit. It is a latex mask with built-in goggles and a back zip. Once the zip is closed it fits very tightly around the head. It has no mouth opening and breathing is only possible through two small tubes coming into the nostrils. To restrict breathing even more I put over this a gas mask. This has the advantage that it is fitted with medical glasses (I am short-sighted). I fastened the straps behind my head, pulled the hood of the second suit over my head and then got into my wading suit. Finally, I put on the heavy cape. I buttoned it slowly and carefully, enjoying the thought of enclosing myself’ in a rubber prison. At last I pulled the hood over my already heavily clad head, and fastened the last button so that it fitted tightly around my gas mask. Meanwhile, my pants were completely wet with sweat as was the inner suit, and I enjoyed the feeling of the wet, warm rubber against my skin. I got horribly excited and tried to hold back the orgasm as long as possible. The fact of my head being enclosed in several layers of latex made it nearly impossible to move and rendered breathing quite difficult. This drove me half mad with excitement.
I stood in front of a large mirror and imagined being thus punished and humiliated by a dominating mistress who took pleasure in seeing me suffering in this way. Under my cape I slowly caressed myself. Every movement drove waves of pleasure through my body.
It was a long, long ecstasy and I was really afraid of fainting. When it was over I had to fight a feeling of panic. It was only when I succeeded in controlling my breathing that I could start taking – or should I say tearing – off my masks. When I had finally stripped off my ‘rubber prison’, I felt completely exhausted – and beautifully relaxed.
Next time I shall be more careful, because there is a real danger of suffocating although there is always a pair of scissors around in case of emergency.
I have tried to describe my feelings as honestly as possible. Although this has nothing to do with real cruelty or pain, it is a matter of personal judgement whether I could be described as a masochist or not.